Thursday, February 25, 2010

Weight, Weight, Sit Next to Me!

Size is back in the news. Which should make Skippy happy since he loves those WalMart photos of the overweight, badly dressed people shopping with their kin folk.

I have a lot to say on the subject of size and obesity but I think the bigger discussion right now is Kevin Smith and the airlines. As you know, Kevin Smith was kicked off a Southwest flight for being overweight. He took his gripe to Twitter and ended up with a big, fat apology (and probably free airline tickets). The issue of size aside, I think Southwest was wrong to boot him off simply because they are inconsistent with their enforcement of the rule. If the rule exists and you're going to enforce it then do so across the board.

I read a review of 'Fatgate' by a writer who had a suggestion I loved. If the airlines are going to enforce this rule then they should set up a fat sizer (like the luggage sizer you see at boarding). It will consist of three airline seats. If you're not sure you can fit comfortably in your assigned, paid for seat, sit in the middle seat of the fat sizer, grab two passersby and make them sit next to you. If you can't comfortably put your armrests down without disturbing them - you're too fat to fly this airline. Of course the problem with that is that as small as those airline seats are, the flight is only going to be a third full.

The other problem is, it only solves the weight issue. What about the six foot giant that sits behind me and accidentally kicks my seat all the way to Florida every time he moves because he has legs like Seabiscuit? What rights do I have then?

And why stop there? If we're going to discriminate let's kick off all the screaming kids while we are at it. Strap that 18 month old into the fat sizer, give him a juice box and some goldfish crackers and see how long he can sit there without crying or having to get up to use the bathroom. If he can't make it to at least 30 minutes (and which kid can) he gets booted.

Heck, use that same test with the over 80 crowd - guess what folks, more seats have just become available!

Smelly people? Gone!

People who snore loudly? Gone!

Chatty Kathy's who insist on striking up conversations with you? Gone!

I bet it wouldn't take much effort for us to whittle down this acceptance list to me, you, and 200 of our closest friends.

And that's what I'm talking about - a plane full of funny, drunk people I like to call my family & friends :)

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