Tuesday, February 16, 2010

When I Grow Up I Want to be a Meteorologist

otherwise known as "How to Have a Career with Zero Responsibility".

Every now and then when I'm at my job-of-19-years I like to entertain myself with thoughts of what I will be in my next career. I've narrowed down the field to weather person. As far as I know it's the one job that pays you to make predictions and will likely even give you a bonus if you're wrong.

By now you're probably sick of hearing about our Snowmaggedon, Snowpocalypse or even our Snoverkill or Clusterflake. Take it from me, you're not nearly as tired of it as we are.

Apparently Mother Nature has no respect for the Mason-Dixon line which clearly dictates that my state and I are located in the south. And everything I learned in elementary school told me that the south was warm. WARM!! Not buried under biblical amounts of snow.

Unlike other people I know, I don't live in a state of white purgatory. I live in the land of Natty Boh, crabs, and men in uniform - all things best enjoyed when it is at least eighty degrees out. Instead I've spent almost two weeks watching my partner shovel over foot feet of snow from one spot to another while I sat inside watching a Jersey Shore marathon suffering from the worst virus I've ever experienced.

Here are a few things (according to me) to be concerned about when your state receives 4+ feet of snow in less than a week (and you don't live in the north that is used to such things):

  • Where to put the snow once you remove it from your sidewalks, car, deck, roof, etc.
  • Performing the prayer for power 50 times a day
  • Your dog spending all of his time outside eating the snow and then coming in the house to pee all over your new carpet, new hardwood floors, bedding, etc.
  • Where to put the snow once you remove it AGAIN from your sidewalks, car, deck, roof, etc.
  • Icicles. Gigantic, death inducing icicles that could easily kill your dog if you don't remember to knock them down before they melt (it was a close call).
You would think that after surviving two blizzards within five days of each other we would be due for an early spring. Instead the local weatherman has a surprise for us.


More snow.

I can only hope that 1-3 inches of snow after 4 feet isn't really going to freak out the commuters but I think there's a better chance the weatherman is going to get a bonus.

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